non-fiction can be interesting

Two stories I've heard last night. They cracked me up so bad that I decided to post them for you:

Story One

There was once a boy who weighed 150lbs who liked playing basketball. The boy was a tall boy for his age but was not exactly known for holding his own while watching scary movies that involve a lot of blood and extremities flying across dark, dark rooms.

One day, as the boy was walking home from a basketball game, he noticed a sort of movement behind him. The figure registered in his mind: black and big; had ears and a fat arse. It was a dog! It was a dog from Hades, as black as week-old oil, coming after him, gritting its teeth. If it had lips, the boy thought. it would smack them so hard that the noise all that smacking made would surely, surely summon Zeus out of the sky and we would all be done for.

So our poor boy ran as fast as he could all the way home. Five blocks, he said. Five blocks is not an easy feat for someone who weighs 150lbs.

When he could already see the house, he hurriedly looked behind him to see if the big bad dog was still following him.

There was no dog there. There was nothing and no one behind him.

All that was there was his shadow. And the boy smiled sheepishly to himself.

Story Two

A friend of mine works in Makati. This phrase is considered redundant because all of my friends do work in Makati.

Anyway, one day, a woman who was seeking employment walked in the place where my friend worked. The woman said that she did not have a picture posted on her resume but she brought a disk along with her and could she oh so kindly have a resume printed from one of the nice printers in their nice office.

The guard on duty was aghast because he knew protocol. This is not the proper way to do things when you are looking for a job. But he kept his thoughts to himself and tried his best to remain cordial and professional while telling the woman that she could not have her resume printed there but maybe she could try having it printed at a real computer shop. 

The woman was furious at this suggestion and accused the guard on duty of being crass and insensitive. She told him that she'd be calling her husband and would report his unseemly actions. Her husband was a Navy Seal, she said. And he'd surely get the treatment he deserved from her big, strong hunk of a man.

Minutes later, the husband came. He ranted and raved and challenged the poor guard on duty to a boxing match. Or a duel. Good thing my friend and his friends were outside smoking and witnessed the drama unfolding. They tried to put a stop to the mad husband, who was about to land a punch on our good guard on duty's shoulder. Of course, a weighty discussion ensued.

Afterwards, seeing that he could not win any verbal arguement while wearing tight camouflage shorts, he decided to tell his wife to come home and not bother with this funny situation anymore. With snot running down her nose, his good wife said, "Teka lang, mag-fifill up lang ako ng form."