as schmaltzy as i'll ever get. hopefully.

It has come to my attention that the reason why most people no longer believe in the sanctity of marriage is because some of us are all too busy trivializing it.

I mean, there's too much value put nowadays on the ceremony itself. And I don't like it. So much so that I dread being invited to weddings. Everything should be done right; everything should be in its proper place, else, the whole thing would be doomed forever.

When people ask about my (our) wedding plans, I just smile and keep mum most of the time. That's information that both of us (my boy and I, I mean) are not so keen on giving out. I actually am entertaining the idea of just springing the announcement on unknowing friends. Like, one day, we're talking about oak tables and smug me would casually say, "Oh by the way, we're getting married the day after tomorrow. If you want to come, here's the address."

That would be sooo funny.

Anyway, I also keep quiet about it for a personal reason. I just want to deal with the possibility on my own. It's shameful the way some couples carry on. I mean, really, does everyone have to know what dishes you'll be using or what kind of paper you're considering for the invites? Where's the fucking sanctity in that? 

How it's going to be done has never been important to me. We could get married in a submerged hut for all I care. 'Cause to me, marriage is so much more than all that. And seriously, the idea of making that journey with someone terrifies the hell out of me. It's a serious thing. It's one of the most outrageous decisions anyone will ever have to make. Because it's not just your life that'll be put on the line here but someone else's, too.

You see, I used to think that it would be terribly important to be sure of 1) the person you'd end up with 2) the caterer 3) how the whole mess of a life together would turn out. Marriage, for me, was supposed to be the salve that would compensate for all the hurt that the world would intentionally heap on me. That if all else fails, there would be this one thing that I could trust fully and can find solace and warmth in.

Now that I'm older, I've grown strong in my belief that what I really need to be sure about is, well, myself. How far am I willing to go for this person? What am I willing to do for him to make the relationship work? If he leaves me with nothing, do I know how I'd be able to go on? If I decide to be with this person, will he help me keep myself intact?

I think now, more than making sure that you start things out right, it's more important to know that a union is something that should work out. That you'd have to have enough faith in yourself and in the other that you would both do your utmost to make things more bearable when things get downright shitty. You've got to be willing to carry the weight of a heart that is not your own.

And if it's not as successful as you hoped it would turn out, that's okay. Just get yourself a really swell lawyer and wreck pure, premeditated havoc on that person's life. In the end, someone will win. Let's just hope that it's you.